Thoughts On Two Political Conventions I Barely Watched

Remember when political conventions used to be fun? Perhaps you don't, but I do, because I always viewed them as great entertainment. Maybe it's because I'm a history buff, or maybe I'm lame and need to get a life, but when I was younger, I'd watch the conventions from gavel to gavel. I would still do so now, only to a lesser extent, but I reside with someone who dearly loves his clicker. Therefore, right when something on the screen causes me to glance up from whatever tome I happen to be reading, poof! the picture disappears, replaced by a documentary about the atom or a black hole, with wide-eyed scientists waxing poetic (as poetic as scientists can wax) about facts that have been hashed and rehashed since the days of Galileo. These guys and gals must love astronomy as much as I love conventions!

Therefore, I only grabbed snapshots from this year's conventions. The rest was filled in for me by the lovely cable "news" networks and various talk radio dudes.

The reason conventions used to be fun was that unexpected things happened. One never knew if a fistfight would break out on the floor or even on stage (see: 1968). And maybe everything was settled in advance, but I naively didn't know that, and thus I stayed glued to my TV screen to find out if "my guy" managed to wrest the crown from the young upstart.

Now it's a show; sometimes a good show, sometimes a clumsily produced one. No longer is there any suspense.

So, my takeaways, in random order:

• Even the Democrat delegates don't heart Hillary. It's like someone commanding me to pretend I really like liver. Sure, I can fake that -- as long as you don't plop a plate of the steaming, slimy, grey glop in front of me. Cuz if you do that, I promise you, I will barf. That sort of sums up the delegates' reaction to HRC.

• Sean Smith's mother gave a heartbreaking presentation at the RNC; talked about how Her Royal Clintoness left her son to die in Benghazi. Too bad The Trumpster chose that moment to call in to Bill O'Reilly's show. He missed it, but maybe he caught it later on YouTube. It was a classless move; another example of DT's fake "caring".

• Bill Clinton really likes balloons. I'm not going to spell out what I'm thinking, because my dad suffered from the same disease and it's not funny -- if that's what's going on with Bill. If that's not what's going on with Bill, then I guess he just really likes balloons.

• Ted Cruz is an ass. This is not news to me -- I've always considered him an ass -- but perhaps until the reaction to his speech at the RNC, he didn't know what an ass he is.

• Hollywood "celebrities" are so darn cute! I'm not exactly sure what Sarah Silverman has ever done to distinguish herself or to justify her fame, but she has even fewer fans now, after she called Bernie supporters ridiculous. And didn't you just love the rendition of "What The World Needs Now", by, again, "celebrities", who I couldn't pick out from a lineup? Jackie DeShannon is turning over in her...hang on...let me check Google...whew!...okay, retirement home."What The World Needs Now Is Love Sweet Love" was as fakey in the sixties as it was two days ago on the stage of the DNC convention. In case no one has noticed, nobody loves anybody anymore. In fact, the world probably needs love, but that's not what it's got. Far from it.

• Donald Trump is not Donald Trump with a teleprompter.

• HRC is HRC with or without a teleprompter. AND STOP YELLING! TODAY'S MICROPHONES CAN PICK UP EVEN THE TINIEST SOUNDS, GRANDMA! HRC knows as much about microphones as she does about anti-malware software. And her personal check to the Nigerian prince is in the mail!

I used to fall into slumber after watching the Republican convention inspired, determined, hopeful. I think that last happened for me in 1980. Now it's a TV reality show, and frankly, The Apprentice was more entertaining. I remember watching The Apprentice, and I thought, that Donald Trump, he's a really smart guy. That was wrong. He's not smart; he's a moron, but he's the only moron we've got.

When poor (now) afflicted Bill Clinton stood up on the stage of his convention with poor climate-afflicted Al Gore and their wives, with Fleetwood Mac singing, "Don't Stop (Thinking About Tomorrow)" behind them, I remember almost buying into it. Little did I know then that Bill's harpy wife would one day scheme to lead my country down the road to ruin.

Jaded? Sure. I've lived too long, seen too much.

Maybe my husband has it right after all. Better to lull oneself with a retread of quark dissection than to put one's faith in any of the canned promises of any candidate.

If only Donald J. Trump had a cool theme song. I think that's the missing piece.