Alternate Reality

Neither of us could make sense of it.

My husband and I lay in bed and watched the Fox News coverage of whatever the hell it was happening in San Bernardino, California. The reports were sketchy. Somebody said somebody got mad at a Christmas party and left, only to return with AK-47's...and a partner. Dressed in black -- tactical gear.

I've worked with some deranged individuals. I've fretted, worried the other shoe would drop and that I would be the number one target, but this seemed so...thought out. That's not how popped-off employees operate. No, it's all a heightened emotions -- "you son-of-a-bitch, now you'll pay" -- sort of response. It's not, okay, I'll go home, don my bullet-proof vest, gather up my pipe bombs, ring up Jake on the phone and tell him it's "go-time".

My husband said, well, it's a government office; it's probably some militia types. Unfortunately. And we'll get the blame. (We, regardless of the circumstances, always get the blame.)

I kept thinking, what if it's terrorism? But the guy knew these people. Don't terrorists enjoy random killings? Anywhere a large group is gathered? More bang for their buck?

It wasn't until good old Bill O'Reilly had a guest on who blurted out a name, unapproved and unvetted, that I thought, this could be real. What the FBI had warned about, what the Prez flatly denied could happen, because, you know, terrorism isn't "real", and stop demonizing people because of their...blah blah blah...climate change.

I texted my friend at work (because one must always be mindful that someone is tasked with reading company emails) that I hoped we didn't have any "happy" Muslims working there. Because, by all accounts, this guy was happy and pliant. No worries here! Just a go along to get along kinda guy!

Here's the reality:

• Do I go anyplace where terrorists could get more bang for their buck? Well, I live in Minnesota, which, thanks to its liberal mindset, has allowed...nay, welcomed...a nest of Somalian refugees to settle, many of whom are on the terrorist watch-list. Thus, the Mall of America would be a great, ripe target. Luckily I hate shopping malls.

• Could someone break into my workplace and start shooting the place up? Luckily, thanks to Obamacare (yes, I work in...gasp, health insurance!), we've installed locks on all doors leading to our work space. Unfortunately, the only person in the line of fire is the poor receptionist. 

• Where else mightn't I be safe? Hard to say. It's best if I just stay home, because one of those "happy" people might view a gathering of three-to-four people as a juicy target.

This is what real, normal people worry about. Not whether somebody, maybe our next-door neighbor, has a conceal-carry license. In fact, we hope they do!

Our president is a wash-out. I thought, today, whether someone elected president might ever say, "You know, I just can't handle this job. I think I'll resign." But no, nobody ever says that because they are too prideful, and they wouldn't want to look like a jackass. But honestly, Mister President, you don't have that much time left. Maybe you should just go home.

I'm not a Trump-ite, or even, really a George W. Bush-ite, but I'll take anybody who can ease my fears and keep me safe.

Barring that, I would take somebody who actually cares.