Who Would You Have a Beer With?

As I was endeavoring (fruitlessly) to fall asleep last night, telling myself I could have just as well stayed up and watched the damn debate since insomnia was torturing me anyway, I played little mind games in the hope of finally drifting off.

The game I played last night was, "Which candidate would you want to have a beer with?" Sorry, The Five, but I thought of it first. But thanks for boring into my brain and sucking out my woozy thoughts to use as a segment on today's show.

 You know, Ronald Reagan was the penultimate politico who everybody wanted to sit down with and toss back a couple. Unfortunately, it's too late for that now. My dad hated (hated!) Ronald Reagan (who hates Ronald Reagan?), but I bet the two of them have shared a few "up there", neither of them able to hear what the other is saying, but still having a great old time. It's not so much the words as the atmosphere, after all.

But, to be serious for a moment, it's very important to know which potential president fits with my lifestyle. Because, after all, it is all about me.

To wit, I have assembled the following chart:

Jeb Bush - prefers lemonade, but will, upon occasion, sip a beer - but only if mixed with tomato juice.

Ben Carson - enjoys a steaming mug of hot chocolate.

Chris Christie - will hoist a six-pack as long as the wife isn't watching.

Hillary Clinton - closet vodka guzzler.

Ted Cruz - needs to take a poll first to find out if he should or shouldn't crack one open. But if the people like that, and the numbers tell him drinking beer is the anti-establishment thing to do, then by God, drinking beer is good for America!

Carly Fiorina - white wine only, but doesn't begrudge anyone their beverage of choice.

Jim Gilmore - from what little I know of him, he does enjoy the occasional alcoholic beverage - on a hot day.

Mike Huckabee - if combined with a double cheeseburger, then sure!

John Kasich - his daughters frown on drinking, so he'll go with the root beer float.

Martin O'Malley - needs to drink more.

Rand Paul - oh yea, I mean, really.

Marco Rubio - knows his beer and also knows how to bounce quarters.

Bernie Sanders - if someone else if buying, then FINE.

Rick Santorum - c'mon.

Donald Trump - apparently only drinks vanilla milkshakes with Bill O'Reilly. Vanilla? Really, Donald? That sounds like a LOSER choice. At least go for the chocolate! Who orders a vanilla milkshake? I'm disappointed in you.

So, there you go. Based upon my survey, my candidates of choice would be Chris Christie, Rand Paul, and of course, Marco Rubio.

Because you gotta bond with "the people".