Go For Brokered

There's been a lot of hand wringing over a so-called brokered GOP convention in July. It seems that none of the remaining candidates will have the necessary 1,237 delegates required to secure the nomination. That's because the three "leftover" contenders are either stiffs or nuts. Funny how that whole thing worked out, isn't it? When we started the process we had so many talented people running, plus, of course, the usual delusional folks who someone, possibly God, told that they would one day occupy the Oval Office. Then, one by one, essentially all of them went crazy. Even the really good ones. Of course, who wouldn't go crazy with a fat orange-ish red mosquito buzzing in their face?

So now we're faced with the prospect of a...gasp! contested convention. I say, go for it! Go for brokered! Why not inject a little fun and excitement into a process that has been, for approximately twenty-five years, nothing more than a drunken table dance for the states' "delegates"?

You know we're going to lose the election, right? Shoot, I may not even vote, which will kill my record, but I might be, well, too tired when I get off work. It all depends on how my day goes. And the weather could turn cold. I can't plan these things.

I say, therefore, let's have some fun! Every delegate who's sober...or drunk...doesn't matter...would be allowed to scribble a name on a piece of paper and deposit it into one of those straw boaters they're so fond of donning. The legible scribbles would be tallied and ka-boom! We've got our nominee! Think of the suspense! Even I would stay up past eight o'clock to learn the outcome of that contest. Who will it be?

"Oh, sorry, Matilda. The Gipper is no longer with us. Yes, you're right; even dead, he'd still be better than..."

"Really, Gus? Your neighbor's gerbil, Fluffy? You do know, I assume, that we already have a fat gerbil runn..."

"A Kit-Kat bar? I really don't think he...she...would be able to fulfill the..."

Queue up the microwave popcorn! This would be even more fascinating than my local weather radar channel with the computer-generated woman who talks with a Norwegian accent ("Clow-OO-dy")

I'm excited!